Bouncers – The Real Menace of the Streets

I have recently been attending a lot of freshers events at my university. This obviously results in a lot of nights out, and thus, inevitably, interaction with a lot of doormen or ‘bouncers’. Now while I rant about this, I feel the need to point out that there are many bouncers out there who do their job properly, and are not douchebags in any way sense or form. There are, however, many other bouncers who are deserving of the classification of ‘douchebag’.

Just yesterday in fact, my friend and I went to a bar that we frequent on a regular basis, and know the doorman by face, but not by name. I was wearing brown loafers, which apparently pass the test to gain entry to this classy establishment. My friend was wearing plimsolls, which apparently do not pass the test. He has worn those specific shoes there before, and thus the only conclusion I can come to is that this bouncer was yes, you guessed it, a douchebag.

This is only one of the many ways in which bouncers can get you. They also seem to have an insatiable love for violence, which I for one cannot understand. Violence comes with the job of course, but they seem to jump to the conclusion that it is instantly necessary in all situations to an excessive level. Personally if I was a bouncer, the objective would be to remove the perpetrator from the bar/nightclub thus eliminating the element of threat from the situation. Not to mash any given persons head into a paste. I have only one conclusion to come to as a result of all this information, that bouncers have confidence issues. They feel the need to take out all of their shortcomings on the everyday public (preferably someone who is smaller than them, no one likes a challenge), thus somehow boosting their starved ego and feeding their already low self worth. This needs to be addressed head on. Free government funded psychological counselling for all bouncers, together we can make the streets a safer place. Until next time.


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