When Insecurity Strikes – Nightclubs and their Populace

Arguably one of the most popular nocturnal passtimes is the frequenting of nightclubs. I for one, simply cannot comprehend this, and am of the opinion that the human psyche is twisted. Most people would frown and wonder how on earth the human psyche could be twisted for having fun, but fear not, make yourself a cup of tea, find a nice comfy seat, and I will explain.

Where I live, most people who enjoy a night out are those known as ‘spice boys’. This is an individual who wears items of clothing such as pink polo shirts (with the obligatory collar turned up) gelled hair (with the obligatory bleached blonde highlights) and fake tan. This individual also has a tendency to abuse anabolic steroids. Whilst normal people may also enjoy a night out, it confuses me as to why. I have gone so far as to interview my friends and ask them what it is that they enjoy about nightclubs. The response I received was most unsatisfactory. They basically ummed and aahed a lot, and eventually I managed to salvage that they enjoyed nightclubs because of they energy surrounding them, especially on the dance floor. My perspective is very different. I see nightclubs as a venue where I will go to get drunk (more expensively than I would at home), dance (which I am not a fan of), with lots of other sweaty, drunken strangers. Now, I have a firm believe that strangers in the UK are hostile enough when sober, when they are drunk they have the potential to be positively lethal. I believe that people are naturally hostile and violent by nature, making a dark room with thumping music full of drunken strangers potentially a very dangerous place.

I have no desire to get drunk, go to a place where it is too dark to see, get other peoples sweat on me, get in a fight, not be able to hear myself think due to the volume of music, and dance. This, to me, makes a night out a fully undesirable experience. The people make it even worse. Through sheer social incompetence, and recognition of this, people feel the need to be violent, as they cannot locate a sexual partner for the night. This results in multiple douchebags fighting in the street to regain what little is left of their self respect. This worries me immensely, and for one think that nightclubs should be outlawed. Until next time.


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